Five years ago we were forced to re-evaluate our lives and our goals.
Death does that.
But somewhere along the lines, we lost sight of those goals. The girls got older. The promotions accumulated. The salaries grew. The cars were updated. The chaos grew.
So this is me finding a place to stand still. A place to be, to think, to share, to grow. A place to take it back to where I was in our raw grief, to re-evaluate what we really wanted out of this life. A place to reconsider our journey.
An exert from five years ago:
My husband has just got home from work. He is sitting in his car. I can hear Pink Floyd ‘Time’ from inside the house. It’s the song from his mother’s funeral. She died suddenly two weeks ago. He hasn’t had a good day.
She was only 59, healthier than she had been in years. She had just handed in her notice to retire so that she could spend more time with her family, including her mokopuna (grandchildren). Then she was gone. My mother in law left a loving husband, two children, and six mokopuna, including my own two daughters who adored her. She was a huge part of our lives and has left an insurmountable hole.
Five years ago we sat down and wrote some goals, the way we wanted to live our lives:
There has to be more meaning to life than working to pay the mortgage, to drive a nice car, and to make someone else rich. What that “more” is I don’t know. I guess it will be part of our journey to find it. But I have a feeling it starts with our children.
My goals to find more meaning in our lives:
- Work less! I do not want a promotion. I will be happy with my job and my achievements to date.
- Spend more time with my children. Make that time QUALITY time. Spend more time playing hairdressers and bouncing on the trampoline and making cakes and reading stories.
- Have more “dates” with my husband. Task: find a new babysitter.
- Get our family fit and healthy. Task: complete one of New Zealand’s Great Walks next summer.
So five years later – how have we done?
Well, we failed miserably at some goals (I am still a workaholic!). But I am glad to say we are still here, fit and healthy, and we are still married!! I can tell you, getting your husband through the sudden death of his mother is hard on a marriage. Maybe more on that later.
What we have achieved, and what I am most proud of, is we have LIVED! We get outside, we stay fit as a family, we travel, we explore!
This is my journey as a wife, daughter in law and mother. And as a daughter who lost her own father many years ago, re-living it all with my husband.