What does the phrase “living my truth” mean to me? It is about being at peace, and content. And the freedom to be me, to drop the mask of the person I show the world, and to honour what is important to me.
“Living my truth” is a journey in getting to know myself. But one benefit of going through the grief process is that it makes you stop. Stop and assess what is really important to you.
Years ago I wrote my goals down. It was in the wake of losing my mother-in-law suddenly, and in the context of having already lost my father to cancer, long before he could walk me down the aisle or ever meet his beautiful grandchildren. One of my goals was to:
Spend more time with my children. Make that QUALITY time. Spend more time playing hairdressers and bouncing on the trampoline and making cakes and reading stories.
Today I did this.
I played lego with my daughter. She made a house. It was free form – the instructions are hidden in a box under the bed somewhere. This child doesn’t follow rules. But she does make them – it was my job to find the bricks. White ones. Single width, two long. Then three long – still white, still single width. And then a single square – white of course.
What did I learn about lego? Nothing really.
It was about my daughter. And getting down on the floor and playing. Seeing the smile on her face.
And it was about feeling guilty when she complimented me for being so good at finding bricks – is this because she feels the need to encourage me to play with her? Or is she just such a genuinely beautiful and lovely person that her compliments are honest? Both are probably true.
And it is about everyones’ daughters. And sons. Today I learnt it is time to say goodbye to one of Miss M’s school friends. She’s 9 years old. She has been battling cancer for such a long time. She’s been a courageous fighter.
She was the baby in the pushchair with Miss M waiting after school for their big sisters to come out of the new entrants’ class. The baby with the beautiful curly blond hair. The baby that grew into a lover of cat toys and princesses.
And now it’s time to say goodbye.
When am I living my truth?
It’s when I’m with my children. When I drop my corporate world mask. It’s when I’m on the floor playing lego. And when my youngest convinces me that she can listen to “just one song” for bedtime story…. and it is not until ten minutes into it that I realise she has chosen a ten-hour long song about tacos!! And when I’m taking my eldest out for a Mummy Daughter afternoon tea.
Being in the moment with my children. Being content. And peaceful.
This is what makes me happy, and grateful. This is the way I want to live my life.
This is being true to myself, living my truth.
Now I need to make a decision.
Will you be the passenger or the driver in your life? [Marquita A. Herald]